Some months ago, I shared some of my short stories that I had written in school, when I was about 9 or 10 years old. You can read them here.
Today I’m going to share some more of my stories, which are taken from that creative English writing notebook that I had found in the attic of our old house. You may notice that these particular stories all have a similar theme.
I find it hilarious how as a young boy I detested school, but then found myself wanting to pursue a career in education as I got older.
Trish still recalls the story of when I was 6; I ran home from school, strolled into the kitchen and declared to my surprised mother that I was never going back to that awful place. My distressed teacher- Mrs. Carey- called to the house soon after to take me back. She was relieved to have found me. I wasn’t impressed.
Again, I should mention that I edited the original writing as little as possible. Also, the names of the teachers are real.
I hope you enjoy reading them, as much as I’m sure I enjoyed writing them at the time.
When I Became Teacher
One terrifying day at school, our teacher was giving double homework for no reason.
‘I can’t take it anymore, I’m dying.’ I thought.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
The three o’ clock bell sounded and I was out of school first. My plan was just beginning; to terminate all of our school teachers.
I started off with Mrs. Carey as my hostage. The next morning in school I went into Mrs. Carey’s classroom and took her hostage and threw her in the cupboard.
Now for Mrs. Gordon; I saw a hole in the floor and she fell down it and then I threw her in the cupboard.
Then I fired a harpoon at Mrs. Hilary and she ran out of the classroom terrified. I threw her in the cupboard.
Then came Mrs. Horgan; I hid up in the ceiling, then I got a rope and roped her, then I threw her in the cupboard.
Then I jumped out from under the desk and I captured Mrs. Hyland, and threw her in the cupboard.
Then I hid in the drawer of Mrs. Devery, and I jumped out and caught her in a net, and then I threw her in the cupboard.
When I captured all of the teachers, I let everybody go home early and I cancelled homework.
The Hungry School
I was walking to school that day when suddenly I heard a scream- and then a sudden noise. I thought it was a burp, but I couldn’t identify it.
I walked on, and when I got to the school the smell there was atrocious.
‘Enough of this, I’m going home.’ I thought.
I was on the way home, when suddenly I heard the noise that I heard before.
‘This is too weird; I don’t think I should go to school anymore.’ I said.
‘Hey what am I saying to myself, I’m going in to that evil castle right now!’
I was very scared- or as they say in Irish- bhí an eagla orm.
When I got in the gate and up the steps, the door opened without me pushing it. It sucked me in. I was determined to hold on to something, but I couldn’t.
Inside it was all in darkness.
Just then, torches lighted up in a flash. In the throne sat the principal of the school. He punished me with double homework.
I noticed that there was a lever beside the throne. When the evil principal pulled the lever, the doors of the school swung open and sucked in another student.
Then suddenly, the principal dozed off.
I sneaked up behind the throne and pulled the lever. The doors swung open, and I ran and ran. I done a quick jump just as the doors were closing and I landed on the school steps.
‘Phew! That was a close call. Now I know how dangerous schools are.’
The Secret Tunnel
It all started when I fell down an unknown tunnel. I nearly suffocated.
‘Patrick, get up for bed you’ll be late for school.’ My mother said.
While I was walking to school I saw a sign that read:
‘DO NOT PASS- BIG DROP AHEAD.’
I thought it was silly, and walked on.
I saw another sign a little further on.
‘BEWARE- KEEP OUT.’
‘Aaaah!’ I shouted.
I fell to the ground with a thud. There were stars flying around my head and my sight got all blurry. I saw a crock of gold, and gave myself a thump, because I couldn’t believe my own eyes.
I went over to see what it really was. Unfortunately it was just some gold painted on a board. I walked along and found a chamber with forty four dead bodies. I walked into the chamber, and the door closed rapidly. I had no oxygen, and I died.
When I went to heaven, I was kicking myself for walking into that chamber.
‘Patrick, wake up! You’re late for school.’
So that’s the end of my nightmare. Well actually it’s not the end- because I have to go to school- and that’s a nightmare you don’t want to have! Believe me.
Something really weird happened last week- my teacher died from school poisoning. It’s the worst poisoning you can receive.
The front wheel on my bike burst when I passed the school one morning, and when I got home, it fell apart- from school poisoning. You can get this deadly poisoning if you go near the school, that’s how teacher got it. It is also very contagious.
The first person to receive it was the architect of the boring building. Then before he died, it was passed on to other people.
I got it one day, but I was lucky that I managed to pass it over to my pet dog. He obviously died the next day- it’s deadly.
‘Patrick, your ice cream and strawberry sauce is ready.’ My mother shouted.
I dived in and ate peacefully until there was a knock at the door. I answered it, and there was a person lying dead from school poisoning. There were a bunch of flowers in his hand. I checked his pockets, and found a box of chocolates.
I went back inside and melted the chocolates over my ice cream and strawberry sauce.
‘I hope I don’t ever die from school poisoning.’ I said.
Escape From The School Of Terror
It was half two, and I was anxious to get out of school. I was shaking with fright and sweating like a horse. I couldn’t wait to walk out of the school doors.
‘Oh great,’ I said sarcastically, ‘now we’re going on to geography! Aw man, it’s only quarter to three. God, why doesn’t time fly when you’re not having fun!’
I’m telling you now, that geography wasn’t the type of subject that got on with me.
‘What’s the capital of Ireland?’ The teacher asked Jim-Bob Deegan.
The bell rang. Boy, was he lucky. He wouldn’t have answered that in a million years!
I ran out of school like as if I had been burnt on the behind. The first thing I noticed was that nobody came out of the school except for me.
‘Wow, this is weird.’
I ran to the car very quickly.
‘What’s for dinner?’ I said to Daddy.
‘Sausages and chips.’ He answered.
‘Great!’ I said happily.
The next morning I was waiting for the bus, but it never came, so I walked to school.
At three o’ clock I waited for the bus outside the school gates, but it never came, and so I walked home.
When I got home I rang government to see why no buses came. That second, I realized it was Saturday. I was lucky, because I don’t like school at all.
I’m a little concerned about some of the things I thought about back then; even just typing them out today made me laugh uncontrollably. I would look up from the old notebook every few seconds while reading, and just shake my head in disbelief.
Sometimes I wish I could tap into even just a small portion of the wild imagination that I had as a young boy. It’s something that I’m sure came so naturally to me back then, but nowadays proves more difficult.
I try to embrace my irregular thought patterns when they start to churn. Things I find myself doing often- like zoning out and wandering off in the distance in my own inner world- all of which serve a purpose I’m sure.
I would love to go back in time and meet young Patrick; perhaps sit down with him and share a bowl of ice cream and strawberry sauce, maybe ask him some questions and try and get inside his head. It’s apparent to me now from reading some of his writing, that he was a fascinating character.