Restoring The Balance
Up until recently I had been treading water, barely able to keep my neck above the surface; floundering awkwardly, desperately trying to fill my lungs with sweet, nourishing air. I’d been absolutely up to my eyeballs, trying to keep myself busy so as to take my mind off more pressing matters; purposefully trying to distract myself from having to confront a most crucial and pivotal moment in my life.
For a while I had succeeded in doing just that; I had just about convinced myself that all was indeed well; my mind was occupied with other less important things and I was just about keeping the plates spinning, but as the opportunities for further distraction continued to present themselves- and I gleefully obliged with blind enthusiasm- I found my grip starting to loosen.
It had soon become clear that I had taken on far too much; in an act that is very much against my nature, I had spread myself far too thin. Through the frantic haze, at first glance it appeared I was taking on things that would fulfil me and give me satisfaction, but ironically, it was those very things that gave me the most satisfaction and fulfilment in life, that I was being forced to neglect.
Not only that, but in losing sight of my values and of what is truly important to me, and in creating a hectic lifestyle for myself almost overnight, I had actually made myself physically ill. Devoid of energy and motivation, and with a feverish delirium flooding my senses, I lay reflecting. It was clear that there was something missing.
Further clarification of the fact presented itself in the form of a podcast that my brother put together on Gratitude; listening to my father and my younger brother talk openly about life, almost brought me to tears. I then started to read back over some of the articles that I had written over the months and years, and was left with no doubt that I was beginning to slowly stray from the path.
As much as I write about it, and try to remind myself of the importance of acting in accordance with our element, that burning fire within that guides us forward, I still managed to lose myself momentarily without even realising it; the vision of what I wanted from this existence, and with whom I wanted to spend it, became blurry. Ashamedly so.
I’m incredibly lucky to have people around me who refuse to leave my side, no matter how far across the globe I venture; they constantly remind me of the importance of what I’m doing, and encourage me to continue along the path and act in such a way that brings me joy. It has been a difficult yet valuable lesson over the past couple of weeks and months; how lucky I am to be able to reach out, return to centre, heighten my awareness, and re-focus, with the help of my nearest and dearest.
Balance has indeed been restored. The instant relief that has come with the process of unloading, re-focusing, and reaching out to loved ones, simply cannot be understated. Knowing what it is that makes you feel truly and utterly fulfilled is not enough; you have to make conscious efforts to tap into it regularly, savour it’s power, and never take it for granted.
I’ll continue to remind myself of the fact; I’ll try to never lose sight of what’s truly important, and of those wonderful people whom I cherish deeply, and value more than anything else in this world.