Enough Was Enough
As important as it is to do things that make you happy, and surround yourself with positivity, it is just as important to recognise the negative sources of energy in your life, and remove yourself from them.
Almost 7 months ago I took the decision to do just that; I removed myself from not only a negative source of energy, but a toxic lifestyle.
I stopped drinking.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to spout on about how great I think I am because of it, because I don’t. I honestly don’t think much of it anymore, I simply see it as something that needed to be done.
I don’t see it as something that merits a great deal of credit either. You wouldn’t approach someone walking down the biscuit aisle in the supermarket, give them a pat on the back and say, ‘Jaysis, fair play to you’, if you saw that they had fruit and vegetables in their basket.
Similarly, I’m not going paint a rosy picture and tell you how much better my life has been over the past 7 months- which it has- suffice it to say that I do enjoy my Sunday mornings much more these days.
O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!
– William Shakespeare
I just thought I’d try and express some of my reasoning as to why I decided to put down the bottle.
In short, I had enough of it.
I had enough of putting my physical and mental health at risk.
I had enough of giving fuel to a harmful stereotype.
I had enough of the predictability- the same faces, in the same places.
I had enough of talking sh*te, listening to sh*te, and feeling like it.
I had enough of getting lost- both in myself and in the physical realm- in the darkness.
I had enough of portraying a representation of myself that I wasn’t proud of- an ugly reflection of my true self.
I had enough of following the crowd.
I had enough of living for the weekend, hearing the exuberant cries of ‘Y.O.L.O’ on a Friday, only to wake up on Sunday and wish that one singular life away.
I had enough of lying to myself; painfully uttering the words ‘never again’ over.. and over.. and over again.
I had enough of walking around with a crutch; trying to avoid my problems, and hide from my insecurities.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
– George Bernard Shaw
The false sense of immortality inherent in the stupor which slowly fades as the dark cloud of amnesia begins to tighten its grip- a harsh realisation of frailty which rises with the dawn- I had enough of that too.
I had enough of being a stranger to myself.
I had enough of accepting a reality which I didn’t envisage for myself.
I had enough, so I made a change.
I said at the beginning of this post that I don’t think much of the decision anymore, but I don’t want to give the impression that I take it for granted. I feel lucky that I was in a position whereby I was able to choose to stop drinking, I understand that some people unfortunately don’t have that luxury.
By removing negative sources of energy from our lives- however big or small- we make room for more of the positive. It may take some time to identify them, but if and when we do we decide to take action, it can be hugely beneficial for us.