Disconnect To Reconnect
Have you ever felt compelled to re-evaluate? An urge which emanates from that initial feeling of being sidetracked. You deviate from the path somewhat, and can only go so far until you have to just stop and say, “Where the f*ck am I”.
At times the signs are clear, stopped in your tracks by a cold hard slap in the face from reality, other times they may be delicately disguised in the form of an illness, or some type of emotional distress, or ‘funk’. The latter being nature telling us that something has to change.
It’s healthy to re-examine from time to time, to check in with our emotions, and reflect.
At the beginning of the week I decided to step back into the wilderness, and remove myself from the world of social media.
Déjà vu all over again, I hear you say.
Some time ago- a few months before this website came into fruition actually- I took a sabbatical from all social media activity. It was something I had long thought about doing, and it proved to be one of the most refreshing periods of this erratic, exhilarating portion of my life that has been my 20’s (to which I am just about clinging on to, mind you). I guess you could say that Hundreds Of Friends, No Friendships was somewhat of a catalyst.
A couple of months, and many blog posts later, I gradually felt the urge to re-emerge from fertile actuality, and dip my toes back into the murky waters of the social media world, confident that I wouldn’t get pulled under again.
Initially I told myself that the sole purpose for my return was to promote my writing, and to try and reach a greater audience. It would offer accountability, and an added incentive to keep creating and evolving. On hindsight, I was driven by ego, quickly becoming enveloped in a toxic existence of inadequacy, seeking out instant gratification in the form of likes, shares, and views. I soon found myself evaluating my worth solely on this basis.
I will say that it was incredibly beneficial in many ways. I made numerous valuable connections of which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise, and I received some beautiful messages from near and far, of which I will be forever grateful. Ideally, I would continue to use these modern tools to my advantage, while exposing myself to nourishing information, sparking only positive emotions and thought patterns, but upon reflection, I just don’t know if this is possible.
I soon fell back on that same old habit of absurd procrastination; the mind-numbing process of incessant scrolling, peppered with resentful groans. The practice of creating this charming window into my life, through which I would strive to make it seem much more extraordinary than it actually is, in an attempt to elicit those same feelings of resentment in others, was affecting my relationships, and my happiness.
I was struggling to stay afloat.
I don’t think we set out with the intention of creating resentment in others, but I do think this is one of the many consequences of these grossly anti-social, social media websites. Perhaps we don’t recognize it conciously, but it exists nonetheless. A boastful retaliation of the subconscious, as a result of being made to feel inferior.
Or maybe it was just me and my own insecurities.
Whatever the case may be, I was deviating from the path. I soon recognised that something had to change, so I hurriedly returned to exile.
While treading the path, it’s necessary to come back to present every so often and remind ourselves of where it is we wish to find ourselves. It’s quite easy to get lost in the madness, completely devoid of purpose and direction. Anything that negates growth should ideally be avoided, but it’s easier said than done. It’s especially difficult when our ego takes the wheel. Our judgement becomes clouded and we tend to forget what it is that is truly important in life; love, connection, growth.
We can’t say with certainty what tomorrow will bring. We can but look within for answers, and trust that our inner compass will lead us in the right direction. With endless possibilities awaiting around every corner, I think I’d prefer not to have my face buried in a screen, hash-tagging and double-tapping while the beauty of life passes me by.