There is something quite terrifying about the vastness of possibility. There are any number of paths that one can take, at any given point in time, and every choice we make has a profound effect upon the direction in which our lives play out.
Consciousness is a mystery that faces the mystery of potential and transforms it into actuality. We do that with every choice we make. Our choices determine the destiny of the world. By making a choice you alter the structure of reality.
– Dr. Jordan Peterson
You may argue that this is not necessarily a practical existence, and I’d like to agree with you; people will tell you that you should look to find a focused direction, and make choices in such a manner that encourage progression along that chosen path- whatever it may be. The alternative of which is to float aimlessly through life relatively unattached, albeit liberated, perhaps.
Granted, it doesn’t necessarily have to be the case of one or the other; on the contrary, there are any number of paths that a person can take in their lifetime(s), and different scenarios that can play out as a result; everyone’s journey and corresponding destination is unique.
Although it can indeed be terrifying, by the same token it can also be incredibly exhilarating, the fact that you are in complete and utter control of your destiny, and the weight of your decisions is such that they have a profound influence upon the direction you venture in life.
The difficulty arises, at least in my own experience, in trying to decipher the source of the internal influences; are the messages coming from the head, the heart, or the soul? It’s also perhaps worth asking yourself, in whose best interests are you acting upon.
As I scribble, I sit oblivious, no closer to knowing the truth. Despite the positive steps towards inner growth, and wise decisions made in recent years, I’ve also contributed a bewildering array of humming, hawing, indecisiveness and backwards steps, and I find myself still, full of questions.
What’s the best course of action, I ask myself. Who the fuck knows. Right now, I’m thinking polish off this overpriced iced coffee, go home and meditate on it for 10 or 15 minutes, and hope to be left with something tangible that can be of use going forward.
Or, you could always admit to yourself that deep down, you do indeed know what it is that you want for yourself. You just need to have the courage to seek out the truth, and take steps towards realigning yourself on that path. All well and good, but that would require some serious soul searching, consisting of prolonged periods of deep internal reflection and solitude; opportunities for which are few and far between here in the ultra-dynamic metropolis of Shanghai.
Nevertheless, the choices I’ve made have brought me to where I am now. For that, I have to be incredibly grateful. The very process of being able to step outside of oneself, to self-reflect, and to come to the realisation that something is askew, instills hope.
Hope, that I will eventually apply what I’ve learned as a result of this process of reflection, and choose wisely in the future, or simply end up back at square one again, staring into this coffee cup wondering what the fuck it’s all about, pondering over the terrifying- yet exhilarating- possibilities that remain unexplored.